She Used to Be Batgirl
by Gingersnap630
Summary: She has a daughter. She is a single parent. She used to be Batgirl. She used to be, and still is, in love with her baby's father. She is strong. She doesn't need him. She is Barbara Gordon.
1. Prolouge

**AN: I haven't published a story in a while so don't yell at me if this stinks! I love the BabsxDick paring!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing!**

It was a dark night. In a big manor was a small child. She had red hair like her mother, in two braided pig tales, but the blue eyes of her father, that were slowly drifting off into sleep. Her mother's heart broke a little every time she saw those eyes. They reminded her so much of him. He had just left one night. She was planning to tell him about Cassidy that night. He was gone before she got the chance though. She always thought, and to this day still does, think he left because he found out she was pregnant.

It was one of those clichés where you only have sex once and fall pregnant. It was there two year anniversary of dating. He had took her out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, bought her flower, the whole shabang. They went back to his house. Bruce was out and alfred was on vacation, one thing had lead to another and the next thing she new she was crying in her bathroom staring at the pregnancy test that had a little pink plus on it. She cried herself to sleep that night. She was only seventeen and she was going to be a mother.

She remembered the night he left. She went up to his room and walked in. His room was empty. Everything was neat, but she had a sinking feeling. She walked over to the bed and saw a note.

I left.

-Dick

She flipped it over hoping there was more but there wasn't. He hadn't even said good-bye. She sat down on his bed crying. She rubbed her stomach apologizing to her baby. Saying that even if it's father didn't want it, she always would.

She showed bruce and Alfred the note. They had figured out she was pregnant already. I mean he is the batman after all, and Alfred had found her test. Bruce had said that he would help pay for the expenses of a child. She was always so grateful for a wonderful mentor.

One night when Bruce was particularly angry he said he was going to go find Dick and drag his sorry ass back here. She had stopped him saying that he didn't deserve to share the child they had made. If he had left once he was going to again. She didn't want her baby loosing his father.

She could still hear the gun shot. It rang in her ears endlessly. It was supposed to be simple. It was just a gang. Batman and Batgirl could handle it. They had called to police when they were finished. She saw her father walk over to thank them. Then it happened. She felt like everything was going in slow motion. A shot had rung out and hit her father in the chest. He fell to the ground, blood coming out of the hole in his body. She ran over to him crying. She told him to hold on. Told him that she was Batgirl and she loved him. He told her he was proud of her and to take care. With his last breath he sad he loved her. He loved both of them.

It took her breath away when she first heard it. Her baby girl's heart beat surrounded her. She cried in happiness. She looked at bruce who had even shed a tear. Cassidy. That is what her name is going to be. Cassy for short. She looked at the ultrasound picture of her baby and smiled. She loved her with every fiber of her being. Sometimes she just wished Dick were here...

She cried when she saw the news. It was a station from a far away city. It was about the teen titans. She vaguely payed attention to the new super heroes. That is until she saw dick, her dick. He was the leader. And, from the way the reporter talked, had a thing with the orange alien girl. He had left her and their, her, he didn't deserve Cassy, daughter. He had gone and found company in four complete strangers. He had left her for someone else. He had left his family behind. He left behind Alfred, and Bruce. He had left her. He had fathered a child then left. She cried herself to sleep that night.

It was the worse pain she had ever felt. She way lying in a hospital bed. She screamed as she felt another contraction. She told Bruce that it hurt and she wanted it out of her. He held her hand and told her soon. She creamed and cried and told Bruce to hunt down the kill Dick for doing this to her and not even being around. When all the screaming and swearing was done she held a little pink bundle. She cried when she saw her daughter had his eyes. She held her close and told her she was never going to leave her.

She had lived in Wayne Manor ever sense her father died. She was looking down at her daughter's sleeping body. She was two now. She had her fiery red hair that was wet from her bath. She snuggled close to a teddy bear with a cape and mask Bruce had given to her for her first birthday. She had promised herself her daughter would not follow in her footsteps. She would not allow her daughter to become a super hero like herself. She had not been going out as batgirl as often anymore. Bruce wouldn't allow it. She was glad he was over protective though. That meant she would be able to see her baby grow up.

She had frozen at the question. She new this day would come, she just hoped it wouldn't be for a while. It was an innocent question. With a not so innocent question. Six words had sent her into a panic. "Why don't I have a daddy?" Cassy had asked her one day after she saw a couple with a baby. She tried to explain to her that he left before she was born. She asked a heart braking question. "Doesn't he want me?" She had cried and pulled her daughter into a hug and said nothing. Because the truth was, he didn't. He left when he found out. She didn't even get to tell him. He had figured it out and left without saying good-bye.

Six years. It had been six years sense he left. She was living in Wayne manor with a retired Bruce and her daughter Cassy. They had given their position to a new generation of heroes. They no longer fought evil around Gotham. She looked at her life. She was twenty-three with a five year old daughter. She hadn't heard from him since he left. She didn't cry any more, she had done enough of that already. She stilled loved him. Even if she didn't admit it. One day Wally, Kid Flash, had come to visit. He made the connection that Cassy was her daughter. When he asked her who's she was all she said was that she was hers. He had left the matter alone.

She looked at her daughter's sleeping form. Her red hair in the braids she begged for. She alway wondered what it would be if Dick didn't leave. If he had stayed. If he wanted them both. She never dwelled to long though. He had put her through enough. She had a daughter when she was eighteen. She was a single parent. She used to be Batgirl. She used to be, and still is, in love with her baby's father. She is strong. She doesn't need him. She is Barbara Gordon.

**AN: Please review! Oh btw's you can decide wether or not Dick knew that Babs was pregnant. I wrote it with the intention that he didn't. Review and tell me if you think he should or shouldn't know. I was thinking of making this a multi-chapter fic. But I'll only do it if you review!**


	2. Shocking News

**AN: Well here it is. Sorry it took so long but I was having writers block. Leave me any suggestions you have in revies. I could really use them! There is nothing romantic going on between Babs and Wally. Wally is like a brother figure to her. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
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Wally and Dick were sitting at their favorite bar in Jump City. Dick was now twenty-two and Wally was twenty-three. They had just caught and put away Killer Moth. They were talking about old villains back in Gotham. Wally sipped on his beer.

"So how are you and Star doing? Have you told her who you are yet?" Wally asked.

Dick signed and looked around. He looked at his reflection in his half empty beer.

"I don't know. She has been a little distant lately. I haven't told her either. I feel like if I do she might let it slip and someone would make the connection to Bruce," Dick said.

"Dick, Bruce is retired." Wally said. "Didn't you know?"

"I heard something about it, but I wasn't sure if it was actually true," Dick said slightly surprised. There was someone else he wanted to know about but he couldn't bring himself to ask about her.

"Wait, how do you know?" Dick asked confused.

"I went to visit Babs a few years ago. And let me tell you, being stuck in Build a Bear for three hours was NOT fun," he said, chuckling and shaking his head.

"Why were you at Build-A-Bear?" Dick asked, amused. Wally paled slightly.

"Um... We were... uhh..." Wally stuttered. Didn't he know?

"Well?" Dick persisted. Wally looked around and sighed. He would find out eventually, right?

"Cas wanted one. And we couldn't deny her that," Wally said, smiling at the memory.

"Who's Cas?" Dick asked.

"Well, Cassy, she's-" Wally paused. Dick gave him a look that said continue.

"She's Barbara's daughter," Wally said quickly. He held his breath. He couldn't read Dick's expression at first. Maybe it would be ok. But after a few seconds Dick's face twisted into an angry scowl.

"WHAT?" He rose from his stool and yelled, "SHE HAS A DAUGHTER? SHE'S ONLY TWENTY-THREE!"

Wally looked around in a panic, noticing people were starting to stare. He stood up and pushed Dick out of the bar, guiding him around the corner into the ally. Once they were out of earshot of the general public, Dick started shouting again.

"WHY DIDN'T SHE TELL ME? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN? OH MY GOD!" Dick's face flashed through a bewildering array of emotions as he yelled. "WHO IS IT! I AM GOING TO KILL THAT MAN!"

"Cas is five. And I don't know who the father is. She wouldn't tell me." Wally said calmly. It wasn't a complete lie. She didn't tell him, but he had a pretty good guess.

"I'm going to Gotham. Tonight," Dick said, stalking away. Wally sighed. This wasn't going to end well. He pulled out his communicator and called Babs. After a few seconds it was answered by a little girl with pigtails and big blue eyes.

"Hey there, sweet potato," Wally said smiling. He had gone back to visit them more than once.

"Hi, Uncle Wawy!" She smiled at him joyfully.

"Can I talk to your mommy?" He asked. She nodded. He could see she was moving with the Communicator. Ceilings and walls flashed wildly across the screen. She bounced into the kitchen. He could see Babs making Cassy's favorite smoothie. Cassy pulled on the leg of her mother's pants. She looked down and Cassy held up the communicator. Babs took it.

"Hey Wally!" she said happily smiling. Wally didn't return he smile.

"Babs. He's coming... and he knows," He said grimly. Babs almost dropped the communicator. She leaned against the counter and ran a hand through her hair.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let it slip. Do you want me to take her for the night? I can be there in half a sec." Babs nodded then hung up. She slid down against the counter in silent worry. Thank goodness her daughter had skipped away into another room and wasn't there to see her mother so upset. A couple of seconds later Wally was kneeling beside her. He put his arm around her.

"It's gonna be ok. You can come if you want to. I think I'll take her over to Donna's." Wally said.

Babs shook her head slowly. "No. I've been avoiding him for years. It's time I get some answers," she stood, pulling herself together. "Tell Donna I say hi. And remember, no sugar after nine."

"I know, I know. I have done that before. It took Donna and I and hour to catch up to her." He said shaking his head. Babs laughed.

"Get yourself cleaned up. I'll get her stuff ready." Wally said. Babs nodded and went up to her bathroom."Aunty Donna and I are gonna watch you for a while sweetie." Wally said picking up Cassy. He ran up to her room and put her down o her bed. He started packing everything she would need in her pink suitcase. When he was done he picked her up and walked to Babs' room. He knocked on her door. She came out wearing her robe.

"We're leaving now." Wally said. Babs picked up Cassy and kissed her cheek.

"I'll see you later sweetheart. Be good for Uncle Wally and Aunty Donna." Cassy nodded and hugged her mother's neck.

"Thank you Wally. For everything." Babs said. Wally smiled and pulled her into a hug.

"Be strong." He whispered into her ear. She nodded. Wally picked up Cassy and ran out the door. Babs sighed walking back into her room.

(In Jump City)

Nightwing was pacing around his room angrily. How could no one have told him? Didn't he deserve to know? He had known Barbara since they were little kids. They were Robin and Batgirl! Did this mean she didn't trust him? And Bruce! In all their conversations over the years since he struck out on his own, Bruce hadn't said a word about this.

There was one other thing that was nagging him as well, one that he scarcely wanted to admit to himself. Babs had had a child with another man. It stung to think she had moved on and started a family without so much as a phone call to let him know. He had always thought that they would do the whole picket-fence thing together one day, when their dangerous separate lives as heroes weren't there to keep them apart. She had always been beautiful enough to dazzle him, and sharp as a tack to boot. Watching her had always been such a delight... He shook his head to clear it. No, he was dating Starfire. It wasn't right be thinking about Babs that way.

He badly needed answers though. He had made up his mind; he was going to Gotham.

He walked out of his room into the common area.

"I have some urgent business in Gotham. I don't know how long I will be gone. Cyborg, you're in charge." Nightwing said grimly, before turning and walking toward the garage. He paid their questions and protests no more attention than drifting leaves. He leapt onto his bike and started driving toward Gotham City.

Barbara and Dick both had the same thing on their mind. Answers.

**AN: Well there it is. I hope you liked it. Please review and leave suggestions!**


	3. A Talk That Was Long Over Due

**AN: Well here's the latest chapter. Sorry for the long wait!**

**IMPORTANT****- The next chapter will have some riskay stuff in it. It involves hormonal teenagers!**

**Disclaimer- I own nothing!**

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><p>Babs was sitting on one of the two big chairs set in front of the fire place. The slowly dancing flames were the only things lighting the dark room against the deepening night. She sighed and looked towards the window anxiously. He should be here any time now.<p>

She didn't know how she was going to react to seeing him. For so long she had wanted to feel his lips on hers, his soft touch... She shook her head. He was dating that other girl/ Moonflame, was it? He had obviously gotten over her. This meeting was strictly about their child. Hoping for more was foolish.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard a knock on the door. She steadied her breathing and reminded herself to be civil.

"Here goes nothing," she muttered quietly to herself.

She got up and walked over to the big door. She took one last deep breath before she opened the door.

Dick was standing in the doorway. Babs' breath caught in her throat. He looked so different. But she supposed that was what tends to happen in six years. His jawline had become more pronounced and there was a shadow of stubble across it. The lean boyish frame she remembered had filled out. His gaze was steady and confident. He was a grown man now.

Dick was having similar thoughts. He thought she looked more beautiful than she had when they dated. They stared at each other until Babs broke herself out of the trance.

"Come in," she said, moving out of the way to allow him entry. He nodded politely and walked through. She shut the door behind him.

"Would you like some tea? Alfred and Bruce are out for the night," Babs said, walking over to a teapot on a side table.

"Sure," Dick replied, slightly nervous. She handed him his tea and took her seat by the fire. Dick sat at the chair across from her. They sat in a somewhat awkward silence for a while, sipping their tea and staring fixedly into the fire. Neither was sure what to say. Babs was the first to break the silence.

"So, how's Jump treating you?" she asked.

"Oh. Um. Good."

"I hear you're a leader now. Days of side-kicking over?"

"Um, yeah." They sat in silence for a while longer. The fire spat sparks up into the chimney. Finally Babs got up the courage to ask what she had been dying to know for six years.

"Why did you do it?" she asked suddenly.

"Do what?" he asked, confused.

"Leave, of course. And not say good bye. Leave a lousy note. Not call," she said coldly. Each word was venom. Dick flinched slightly.

"I just... needed to become my own person, I guess. I was tired of just being know as Batman's sidekick," Dick said.

"That only answered part of my question. Why didn't you say good-bye?"

"I knew that if I had to say good-bye to you I wouldn't be able to leave."

"Was that your only reason for leaving?"

"Yes," he said. There was something like regret in his voice. Babs sighed. He didn't know he was Cassy's father.

"I have a question for you now," Dick was looking Babs dead in the eye as he spoke.

"Ask away," she waved her arm dismissively and didn't look at him. In her heart she cringed. Now came the painful part.

"Why didn't you tell me you had a daughter? Don't you trust me?" Dick asked with hurt in his eyes.

"I'd trust you with my life," she paused to sip her tea. "I, however, don't trust you with the life of my daughter. You lost that the night you left."

"If you don't trust me, why do you trust Wally? He didn't grow up with you. He didn't have your back like I did on a hundred battles, with supervillains and petty thieves alike. He never held you when you cried over all the people we couldn't save," his voice fractured. "He didn't know your whole soul the way I did. And he didn't- he didn't make love to you, Babs. He didn't make you a woman."

"He didn't leave, either," she said. The old warmth, the old fire had leaked back into her voice. The color rose in her face. "And I trust Wall with my and Cassy's lives. You wanna know why? Because he was there for me! HE DIDN'T LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE! HE DIDN'T LEAVE ME FOR SOME RANDOM ALIEN WHORE! He helped me through EVERYTHING! HE HAS BEEN A PART OF OUR LIVES SINCE CASSY WAS LITTLE! YOU, RICHARD GRAYSON, HAVE NOT! You know what you have been doing? Prancing around with this new team of yours. Trying to find yourself. You left me in the dust, Dick. You left me cold. You called Bruce all the time and never once called me. You never came to visit. SO DON'T YOU DARE COMPLAIN IF I DON'T TRUST YOU," Babs yelled, standing up from her chair. Dick stood as well.

"DO NOT BRING STARFIRE INTO THIS! SHE IS NOT A WHORE! YOU- YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS A WHORE! Your kid's dad isn't even around! You probably never meant anything to him, just a one-night stand. YOU WERE EASY! And you know what, Barabara? You are just a jealous BITCH! I FOUND SOMEONE WHO CARED ABOUT ME AND YOU GOT KNOCKED UP!" Dick yelled, losing himself completely in his pain and anger.

They fell silent, shocked. The crackling of the dying fire punctuated the stillness. He slowly realized what he said. Babs didn't give him the chance to apologize.

"Get out," she said, with tears in her eyes. "GET OUT!" She yelled.

"Babs-"

She closed the space between them with quick, jerking strides and slapped him hard across the face. He staggered backwards and grabbed his jaw. She raised her hand again and he turns and fled out the door.

"Get out of here. You aren't welcome anymore. Stay away from me- AND our daughter!" she screamed after him, slamming the door. Dick stopped in his tracks and turned around, dumbfounded.

"Our daughter? OUR daughter? I have a daughter?" he said to himself. He ran back and started banging on the door.

"BARBARA." He yelled. "LET ME IN!"

Babs opened the door. The streaks of tears on her cheeks glittered in the porch light. Beautiful. She took a deep breath, ready to start yelling at him again, when he yanked her face down to his and pressed his lips to hers.

Immediately she melted into the kiss. His lips were familiar and strange at once. She kissed him back. She had been waiting so long for this.

Then her brain kicked in. He had a girlfriend. She was just some crazy ex-girlfriend he'd once tried to cut out of his life. She pulled away and slapped him again, but harder.

"How dare you! HOW DARE YOU! YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!" Babs yelled. "Go back to Jump, Dick. Go back to Starfire. Forget this ever happened. Go back to your perfect life. Just stay away from me and Cassy. It will be best for everyone. Just leave. And never come back." She said quietly. "Good-bye, Richard." She shut the door. The lock clicked with heartbreaking finality.

A single tear slid down his cheek. He could hear her collapse, sobbing, on the other side of the door. He wanted so much just to hold her. Nothing he felt made any sense anymore.

He walked out to the road and wandered aimlessly. It started to pour. He walked and walked, not noticing where his feet led him. His mind was too overwhelmed to guide them anywhere now. He got to a park and screamed out to the heavens while the trees dripped onto him. Even the scream felt empty. He sat down and let the rain drench him. He hoped it would wash away everything.

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><p><strong>AN: Well there you have it. Please please review!<strong>


	4. Flashbacks part 1

**AN: *Hides behind a tree.* Well it only took me four months but here you go, the short, fourth chapter. Don't worry this is part one in a series of like...three flash backs giver take. I hope it was worth the wait.**

****Oh and a specail thank you to TheNextBatgirl and anon for getting me off my lazy ass! This is why I need you're reviews! Thank you to ALL of my reviewers and I love you so so much!****

**Disclaimer: DO I have to say it?**

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><p>I was sitting on the bed of a dingy motel room, staring at my reflection. The old mirror had been broken in one corner, and thick cracks spread out from it in all directions like the roots of some sickly silver tree. Somebody had apparently tried to cover the broken part with duct tape, but it was frayed now and peeling away. The frame was covered in small circular scorch marks where people had put out their cigarettes. It was the most pathetic mirror I had ever seen.<p>

It looked almost as screwed up as I felt.

I couldn't wrap my head around what had happened. I had a daughter. There was a little girl out there, a whole human being, who Babs and I had created together. We made a goddamn person. She had been running around out there for years and I never knew. It was really amazing. And Babs didn't want me to be part of their lives!

The bleary reflection in the glass flickered; the light bulb was probably dying. I ran a hand through my hair and mouthed the word "father", trying to get used to it. "You're a father," I said to my reflection. "You hear that? A father."

It felt funny in my mouth. Suddenly I was very glad that I'd had the sense to buy a six-pack on my way in. I leaned over and tugged a can out of the plastic. I'd barely had a father, how was I supposed to be one? I threw the tab across the room and chugged. The beer was lukewarm and tasted like crap, but hopefully it would do. I needed to wash the unfamiliar taste of "father" out of my mouth and dumb down all the other words and feelings associated with it.

How did it happen? How could it possibly have happened? I swished the beer in little waves around the can between gulps, trying to think. How could it possibly have… and then I knew. It was our two-year anniversary. That was the only time it could have happened.

(Flashback)

I sat in my car outside of her family's townhouse, trying to get the courage to go up the steps and ring the bell. Even after knowing each other though all of childhood and having dated for two years, she still filled my stomach to the brim with butterflies. I took one last shaky breath and stepped out of the car, grabbing the rose off the passenger seat. She loved roses, and I loved the way she smiled when she saw them.

As soon as I heard the doorbell start chiming I folded my hands behind my back to hide the rose, hoping to surprise her. After a moment the chain clattered and then the door swung open. She was always quick to answer the bell. Silhouetted for a moment against the hallway light before stepping onto the porch, she was radiant. She was wearing a simple black dress and pearls. The chandelier scattered a bright halo around the waves in her deep red hair. Her eyes were gently lined, and struck me as ever with their rich brown and smoky green. She always did something to her face for dates that made it really glow. Blush, maybe? Not that she needed to do anything special to wow me. Even in a t-shirt and sweatpants she could still take my breath away.

"Close your mouth. You might catch flies," she teased. I blushed.

"You look… really beautiful, Babs," I murmured, planting a kiss on her cheek. I brought the rose from behind my back and presented it to her with a flourish. "Here, this is for you."

Her face lit up and I glowed with pride. "Thank you!" she brought it to her nose and sniffed, smiling at me. "Mm. I'll go put this in water."

She disappeared into the hallway. When she returned I led her to my car and opened her door. Once she was buckled in and settled I walked back to my side and climbed in.

"All set?" I asked, key hovering in front of the ignition. She nodded and I started the engine and pulled away from the curb.

"So… are you gonna tell me where you're taking me?" she inquired coyly.

"No, baby, that would just ruin the surprise," I answered with a smirk. She pouted slightly and crossed her arms. We sat in a comfortable silence the rest of the ride.

After about fifteen minutes I pulled up to Gotham's most exciting new restaurant. The food critics had raved about it in reviews and Babs had been talking about going here for months. She turned to stare at me, her eyes sparkling. She didn't say anything, nor did she need to. The smile in her eyes was enough for me.

The valets opened our doors and we stepped out. Silky jazz music was spilling out to the street from inside the restaurant. I tossed the valet the keys and walked around to the sidewalk, where Babs was already staring in wonder at the people milling about under the lamps in front. I offered her my arm and led her inside.

"Grayson," I told the hostess. "Reservation for a table for two."

"Right this way, sir."

She seated us at a quiet table up on the balcony, just as I had requested when making the reservation. From there we could look down and see the whole restaurant. The décor was sleek and modern, with a lot of clean lines and earth tones. People dressed in the latest fashions came and went easily among the tables and chatted merrily as the band played softly in the background. Babs drank it all in, beaming.

"This is really great, Dick. I can't believe you would do this for me."

"I'm hurt, Barb! I really am. Give me a little credit, won't you?" I whined playfully.

"Sorry, babe," she grinned. "Guess I'll just have to raise my expectations for next time."

"Uh oh."

The waiter arrived to take our order. We decided to split an appetizer. Babs was dead-set on sharing that lobster crostini. Normally I would have ordered the main meal for her, but when she attempted to explain her choice of entrée it sounded a little too complicated for me to safely pronounce without looking foolish so I conceded defeat and let place her own order. For my part, I was just pleased with myself for having recognized filet mignon as steak from my high society dinner parties with Bruce.

The music started playing and I stood to offer my hand to her. "Would you like to dance, fair lady?" I asked, throwing in an elaborate bow for good measure.

"I would love to, dear knight," she took my hand, rose from her chair, and curtsied. I kissed her hand and led her down the stairs and out onto the dance floor. We waltzed slowly, her fingers curled on the back of my neck.

"I love you, Richard," she whispered, gazing into my eyes. "I really do."

"I love you too, Barbara. More than you will ever know."

Our lips met for a gentle, loving kiss. I could feel her smile against my mouth and I flicked my tongue across her teeth playfully. Then I pulled away to whisper in her ear.

"I hate to break up this great moment we're having, but our appetizer is getting cold," I murmured. She chuckled and I led her up the stairs. We held hands until we got to the table.

The rest of dinner passed in a blur for me. We laughed and shared food and my steak was done to perfection. We ordered pastries and coffee and before long we were driving back towards her uptown neighborhood.

"Hey, uh. Can I maybe stay at your house tonight?" Babs asked. "My dad still hasn't called, which at this hour means he's sleeping over at work and won't be home until tomorrow afternoon."

"Of course, baby. You know you're always welcome. Mi casa es su casa."

She smiled and looked out the window. The lights of the city blurred by as we left her neighborhood, and then the rest of Gotham, behind us. Soon we reached Wayne Manor. I parked in the garage.

"Alfred is still visiting his relatives in England and Bruce won't be back 'til morning. You know how he gets. He's at his broker now, buried in all that stock trading data for Wayne enterprises," I mused fondly.

Babs let out a snort. "Oh, I bet."

As we walked toward the house I took her hand and tried to plant a kiss on her cheek. Startled, she turned to look at me and I ended up awkwardly bumping her nose with my chin. She blinked, confused, and I flushed red.

Then she realized what had happened and laughed. I loved her laugh. I have always thought it to be the most beautiful sound in the world. We took off our shoes, wet from the grass, by the mudroom door and walked into the kitchen. I threw my keys on the counter and headed for the fridge to grab a soda.

Suddenly a pair of soft arms twined around my body, one around my neck and one across my chest. "You know," she purred into my ear, apparently on tiptoe, "I haven't had the chance to properly thank you for tonight."

"You didn't, huh?" I grinned expectantly as she slid around my body, smooth as a cat. Her hands slipped across my back and over my arms to rest finally on my chest as she stared into my eyes. Then one hand strayed up, to guide my head down to hers.

"Yes, I really didn't" she breathed. "So… thank you."

Boom. Her lips met mine, and aggressively at that. Her tongue slid back and forth against my lips and then she pressed her mouth forward, harder. I licked her bottom lip, asking for entrance. She gladly obliged. Her lips slipped apart and my tongue explored. Her fingers in my hair urged me closer. I pushed her against the counter and pushed my tongue deeper into her mouth.

She wrapped her legs around my waist. I left her mouth and started to move. Kissing under her jaw, sucking on the soft skin of her neck, nipping at her collarbone. Her breath caught in her throat and I sucked again on her neck, harder this time. I felt her body relax against mine.

"Bedroom," she nearly pleaded. I carried her up the back stairs and down the hall to my room. We fell onto my bed together and she quickly straddled me. Her fingers apparently had no trouble at all managing my shirt while her mouth was otherwise occupied, for I felt the buttons coming undone in rapid succession. I didn't stop her. She then moved on to my pants, fumbling with the belt and then struggling with the zipper. It was thrust out of its usual position because of the effects of all that kissing. I helped her, then kicked off the pants entirely. She turned her back to me so I could help her with the zipper on her dress. I happily obliged, then slipped it down over her shoulders and resumed my former assault on her neck. Kiss, lick, suck...

Soon she was audibly moaning into my ear. I slipped a hand under the wire of her bra and squeezed. Suddenly her hand was under the waistband of my boxers and I paused, startled. She grinned wickedly and took the opportunity to discard the bra and yank down my boxers.

Finally I realized how serious this was getting and stopped her. We had never gone all the way before and I wanted to give her a chance to think it over and back out if need be.

"Barb… Are you sure?" I asked, searching her eyes for any trace of doubt.

She bit her lip and nodded once, quickly. "Yes, I am sure."

"Really?"

"I trust you," she whispered, looking lovingly into my eyes.

I woke up the next morning sticky and happy, legs entangled with Babs'. She was still asleep, little puffs of her breath reaching my neck. I smiled and kissed her forehead.

(End Flashback)

It finally hit me that I hadn't used a condom. I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I had just assumed she was on birth control. You don't think things through very well when you're that young and that deeply in love. You just assume it'll all work out fine somehow.

I took a big gulp of the beer and sank forward, resting my head in my hands. It hadn't worked out, and that was the trouble. It hadn't worked out at all. I'd lost the girl I'd always loved on some level- and hell, maybe I still did. The sight of her tears under the porch light seemed burned into my mind. My fault. How could I make her cry?

Stupid. So stupid. I should have worn a condom. Why did she even keep the baby? I underestimated how attached she was to me, how much she wanted me around. Why did I ever think a clean break would be the way to go? I lost my head and now I couldn't bear facing the music. I never meant to hurt her at all, and yet it seemed I'd done more harm through carelessness to the woman I'd die to protect than I'd ever done in anger to any enemy.

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><p><strong>AN: Well I hope you liked it enough not to kill me for taking so long. SO if you review you will possatively be my best friend! <strong>


	5. Flashbacks part 2

**AN: Wow two updates in like an hour after four months. Awesme. This chapter has to do with hormonal teens so yeah reader discretion and all**

**Disclaimer: The same as all the others. I own nada.**

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><p>My thoughts were a jumbled mess from the alcohol and it wasn't making me as numb as I'd hope. I finished the can and laid back on the bed, letting myself drown in memories.<p>

(Flashback)

It was a fine Tuesday morning in October and Barbara Gordon was royally pissed off. She was standing in her kitchen glaring at me, with her hands balled into fists on her hips and her mouth pressed into a hard line. I just smirked at her, holding out the bag in my hand.

"You lost the bet, Babs. We agreed on the conditions of the bet and what would happen if each of us lost- and you lost. Now you absolutely have to do it. There's no way around it."

"Come on, Dick. It's crazy."

"Sure it is, but you agreed to it."

"Fine," she spat, narrowing her eyes. She wrenched the bag out of my hand and stormed into the bathroom to change. The door slammed behind her. I grinned ear to ear and tapped my fingers on the counter, humming. A few minutes later she reemerged, gritting her teeth.

"Don't. Say. Anything."

I settled for kissing her on the cheek. She shoved me away and stomped past me to the car. After a dramatic show of throwing her bag onto the seat and slamming the door she settled in to staring fixedly out the window. I started the car and turned on the radio to mask the tense silence between us.

When we arrived she immediately jumped out of the car and hurried away. I rolled down the window and leaned across the seat to call to her. "Have fun at school, babe. And good luck on your math test!" She didn't turn around.

I was out of school "sick" that day, helping Bruce with his work. A known associate of the Joker's had begun making a number of leases on downtown real estate and Bruce was getting suspicious. He needed my extra set of eyes to help him work through the paper trail and try to figure out what was going on.

At around 11 that morning I stopped to stretch and looked at my watch. I realized that Babs would be in the middle of her test right about then. I briefly weighed the pros and cons of being a sadistic asshole for the sake of humor. Humor won. I smirked and pushed a button in my pocket before going back to work on the files.

(Babs' school, her POV)

I was in the middle of my test when it happened. I was working on a formula problem, still fuming that Dick was making me wear this stupid thing all day. It was all because of that stupid bet that I could have- should have!- won. If it wasn't for that damn cat showing up at the last possible second…

I was halfway through graphing a polynomial function when I felt it and panicked. Fortunately I could barely hear it, even with my well-trained hearing and proximity to the source of the sound. Even if this fresh torture lasted for the rest of the test I could at least be glad that no one would know. Wasn't he supposed to be at home all day? How the hell did he even get the signal to carry that far? I gripped my pencil tighter, trying not to audibly moan.

I don't even know where he found these stupid things. I sat there miserably and loathed who ever invented them with every particle of my being. I could feel myself tightening around it and bit my lip. Hopefully Dick would stop soon. I really needed to concentrate on that test. I squeezed my legs closer together, trying to ignore the incessant and varied vibrations between them. Whoever the inventor was must have been very creative, because no sooner had I gotten used to one pattern of sensations before it started on another. It would be quite enjoyable in fact, if I had been on my own in my room instead of out in public in a classroom full of students. Why me?

It took another half hour for me to finally finish my test. I took a deep breath to compose myself before getting up and walking quickly to the teacher's desk to hand it in. I felt the hateful device shift as I stood up. It was all I could do not to make a sound. I placed the test on my teachers desk, grabbed my bag, and hurried out of the room to deal with the torment in the privacy of a bathroom stall.

(Dick's POV)

I grinned wickedly, playing with the controls on the little remote and trying to imagine how Babs must look as each teasing blast hit her. I loved this thing. Having tweaked the antenna to boost the signal, I could have her even when I wasn't anywhere nearby. I hoped Babs was enjoying her test.

At around fifteen of four in the afternoon, having read through piles of tax returns and lease agreements, my neck was stiff and I was thoroughly bored. I decided to check where Babs was. All of our Bat communicators have GPS in them, so you can find the location of an ally at the press of a button. It wasn't technically supposed to be used for stalking one's girlfriend, but… I looked around, rubbing my neck. Bruce was deep in a pile of tenancy contracts from five years before. Satisfied that I wouldn't attract his notice, I walked casually over to the monitor and tapped on Babs' name. A little blue light appeared, and I smiled. She was in line at McDonalds. I pulled out the remote and pressed the button once again. This little machine had such potential…

(End Flashback)

I remembered well how she had reacted to that little event. How could I forget? She had invited me over, feigning mild irritation (which I admit had disappointed me) and requesting that I finish the job as the vibrator had her rather worked up. In reality that wasn't quite what she had in mind.

The first thing I saw when she opened the door was the riding crop. The second was the glitter of handcuffs. The third was an up-close-and-personal view of her hallway carpet. That had been an evening to remember. Her father made a habit of working late, so for the next four hours she had had absolutely no mercy. And I had surrendered. I still was reluctant to admit to myself that it had been incredibly exhilarating: the hard, unwavering edge to her voice, the smell of her perfume when she held me down, the curl of her blood-red lipstick-ed mouth around my-

But no. It wasn't right to think of Babs like that. I was dating Starfire! But then she wasn't the same as Babs. Sure, Star made my palms sweat and put me on my best behavior, but Babs made my heart pound and my head throw caution to the wind. With Babs I had always felt like there was some insane adventure waiting for me right around the corner, just for the two of us. There really wasn't a good way to compare them. They were both wonderful in different ways. Trying to compare them wasn't fair.

I don't do any of the wild things I did with Babs with Star. Star is so innocent that to touch her in that way without some sort of marriage contract behind it just feels wrong. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be. Maybe Babs and I only did those things because we were young, full of hormones and lust. I mean, I like to think we did them because we loved each other, but looking back I realized lust also played a big role in our relationship. A huge role.

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><p><strong>AN: I hope you like it! Please review! The really do mean a lot to me. Oh and most of the risque parts are due to my beta reader. So yeah review! There's even a cool new button for it! I mean look at it! Pretty cool shit right there.<strong>


	6. Flashbacks part 3

**AN: Now I am VERY VERY sorry for the late update. And that it's so short. My beta readers a tad lazy. So anyway thank you to all the reviewers and readers that stay even through the long laps in udates! I loev you all and enjoy!**

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><p>(Flashback)<p>

We weren't doing anything big for her birthday this year. The past month had been pretty busy, and she was tired. What she really wanted, she had said, was to spend a quiet evening with me. And so there it was. Just a nice dinner for two at my house, courtesy of Alfred's delicious cooking.

The entire night went by in kind of a blur for me. We ate and laughed and held hands across the table. It was all great of course, but I was really impatient to give her her special gift. I had given her other things too, little trinkets and flowers, but this was the main one. The big finale. After she had taken her last bite of chocolate cake and sat back in her chair contentedly I stood, took her hand, and led her out onto the balcony.

The moon was full. She leaned on the railing and breathed in the air deeply. The stars glinted in her eyes. A curl of escaped hair swept down her face. I sighed. She was so beautiful.

"I really had fun tonight, Dick. Thanks for everything," she said, turning to smile at me. I smiled back nervously. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"Dick, are you all right? You seem a bit jumpy," she asked, taking one of my hands in hers.

"Uhh... yeah..." I swallowed hard. This was more difficult than I thought it'd be. "I just... uh... I have... one last gift? For... uh- I mean- it's for you," I laughed nervously and she grinned at me in amusement. Well, that was less than stellar sentence structure. Better luck next time, Dick.

I pulled the box out of my pocket. It was a classic ring box, small and rounded and covered in dark blue velvet. I opened it to reveal a simple ring. It was a silver band that twisted around a pear-cut blue gem. Her eyes widened, her hand covering her mouth.

"It's a promise ring," I explained quickly. She looked at me smiling, tears glinting in the corners of her eyes.

"It's just to remind you that, no matter what, I will always love you. And I'll always be there for you when you need me," I said, slipping the ring on her finger. She smiled and pulled me in for a long, sweet kiss.

(End Flashback)

Six months later I was gone. Even at the time, in that wild panicked suffocating haze that blocked out the light from my mind and the mercy from my heart, I had hated knowing I was breaking promises I'd made to her. I had hated the pictures of pain on her face that that flooded my mind unbidden. I had hated knowing how much I'd be hurting her. Yes, I had hated it all but I had left anyway, sneaking out like a thief in the night without so much as a goodbye.

I sighed, running my hands through my hair. When was the last time I had taken a shower? I couldn't remember. I really was a mess. My hair was a wreck, my eyes were bloodshot, my mind dull and cloudy with alcohol. There I was, a drunken liar, sitting on the dirty bed of a cheap motel in the neighborhood of Gotham where I had spent the most time hunting down criminals not so long ago, drinking myself into a stupor over a girl I'd once rejected. Pathetic. Even the mirror was laughing at me. I snarled at my reflection. Dammit, I was going to keep my promise. I was going to be there for Babs whether she liked it or not.

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><p><strong>AN: Shot I know. Sorry bout that. So i hope you liked it, and you wont kill me. Please review!<strong>


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